Multiple ideas in a thought

I think too much. That’s just it, i think. Let me rephrase it, i try to make inferences on things that, sometimes, don’t need inferences.

I had this problem, last week Tuesday, frequent headaches, the thoughts getting too loud.

I’ve only been in that situation twice, first time I couldn’t sleep, deep in tears, wallowing in my own self pity… This is literally self inflicted pain, i said.

How could it be that i cannot control my own thoughts? But what if these thoughts weren’t mine? I guess they are just thoughts, right? How can i think of killing you today, going into every detail of how I’m dismembering you and disposing your body and the next day I can’t think of a life without you?

“My intellect is my biggest gift and my biggest weakness, I must learn how to control it or it will control me.”

We’ve talked about this right? We’ve been here before! That’s what you get for being your own therapist.

I had to calm the situation on Tuesday by meditating, apparently it worked and also apparently i haven’t meditated in a while.

Who are you doing this for? The feeling of Uncertainty, The brevity of life.

I thought i was oversharing but have you seen how many newsletters end with the title and two lines in my notes? How many podcast episodes I’ve planned but haven’t recorded, hell, even the ones I’ve recorded but haven’t released.

Let’s not even start with videos, quotes, pictures?? It’s like a graveyard of ideas, waiting for the right moment to be released.

If I’m being honest, the reason some newsletters don’t see the light of day is because i don’t have anything to say on it at the moment.

If i don’t have anything to say then i shouldn’t say anything at all.

I was just being overdramatic there.

Same for the other stuff, as much as every second matters there’s an order of timing.

I wrote something before this, i guess it’s just not the time to release that.

But what I really learned during this downtime of thoughts paralyzing me is that.

“Life is basically just experiences. You experience things and you share those experiences with people in different forms. Experiences are just experiences, not enough to break you if you develop the mindset that at the end of the day, you’re just an observer, passing through.”

When you think about it, everything is quite connected.

The tweets are thoughts, not long enough to make a newsletter on its own.

When you adopt the experiences mindset, the thoughts reduce drastically.

At the end of the day, I’m just here to experience things and share what I’ve learned.

I don’t need to blow my brain for the best quote when the experience could give it to me.

Experience more than you create, listen more than you speak.

Dozie asked me this question circa 2022-2023, “How do you feel knowing that you can never love someone deeply because you’re too logical?” it was something that just popped in my head when writing this.

Damn is companionship nice, building with someone, but you can also build with friends too.

We all long for that one person out of the multitude, but instead of longing, why don’t you be that person that someone would want to build with and somehow, the person would find you themselves?

Thoughts for another day. It’s way past my bedtime…

Things I’ve learned during this haziness?

Moments are moments, experiences are experiences. Read it again. Not enough to break you because you are an observer. Stay passionate, stay aware, stay hungry.

Also you can endure more than you can imagine, and remember, this journey is for people that have come before you and people coming after you.

Go hard or go home.

No competition, no comparison.

-Joba The Geographer.